OMG...He's sick...

Okay, so I'm not a very religious person at all, however, I do have certain beliefs. I believe that each person on earth has a certain purpose. For example, some people are here to serve others, some are here to lead others, some are here to take care of (heal, if you will) others, and some to govern others...and so on and so forth. I also believe that some people are here for more than one purpose  My feeling is that I am here for more than one purpose, however, my main purpose is to serve others, namely my family.

So, right now my husband (or should I say my 4th child - the son I never had) is sick with the common cold. Now I know that a cold can be extremely miserable, uncomfortable and just down-right nasty, however, for my husband the common cold is like having a deadly disease. He "acts" like he is dying. He walks around the house moaning and groaning like he is in a great deal of pain. I know better, however. I have been with him long enough to know when he is actually in pain. So, I know that some of it is just "acting". I also know that he does it for my attention....REALLY??? As if I don't give him enough of my attention. I do everything in our household and for the most part he makes sure the couch doesn't get away when he is home. Don't get me wrong, he is a very hard worker at work and he goes to work everyday. In all the time that I've known him, he has called in sick to work only 1 time...that's right, just one time in more than 11 years. Back to the attention thing, I do everything for him. Maybe I'm a bad person because I don't show him any more simpathy than usual when he is sick but, it almost makes me sick when he expects that from me. I mean, when I get sick (thank goodness that's not very often) he doesn't feel bad or want to take care of me, so why should I feel that way for him. I'm sorry but, I SHOW him everyday how much I love and care about him. I know I'm back on the bitchfest again but, I am just getting fed up with the whole situation. Hey this blog thing is great... I feel better already.

Expectations tooooo high...

Okay, so I have been thinking about blogging for some time now but, never really took the time to learn how to. Now I am blogging and I have a great deal to say. I am under a lot of stress and I feel like blogging will help me to relieve some of the stresses of everyday life. I feel like if I don't do something about the stress level that I have, I will have a heart attack before I am 40. I love my family but, I don't feel the love in return. I do everything for them and they do nothing for me. I realize that I have set my expectations way above where they should be but, I have a really hard time resetting them (so to speak). My husband and I were raised in 2 different worlds. I am from New York and he was born and raised in Pelzer, SC. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but I expect that when I do something for him that he will want to return the favor. That never happens. For example, I cook a homecooked meal EVERY DAY, not once in a while or just a few days a week but, EVERY DAY. My expectation is that he would want to help out or even clean up or even offer to help out but, that NEVER happens. It's not just the cooking. I own my own business and have the "luxury" of working from home. I choose to work 3rd shift (1am-9am) because that's what works for me. I also work during the day (12pm-3:30pm). Because I work from home, my family treats me like I am a stay at home mom. Keep in mind that being a stay at home mom is not an easy job and I understand that it takes a great deal of discipline. However, being a work at home mom is a little more involved. I am a Live Agent. Basically, I am an independent contractor for a company that routes incoming calls from many different companies (from infomercials) to my home phone. I am also a dispatcher for AAA. Now, my family thinks that since I am home all the time that I do nothing all day. They act like gods, godesses, and fairies come into our home when they are not here and do all of the work around the house. Like I said, I cook everyday. I also do all of the laundry, dishes, cleaning, shopping, and manage the finances. Oh, and I'm the taxi service to my daughters. I know people that read this are thinking..."You have daughters that are old enough to do all of these things????" and they used to be given chores but, the stress that I underwent trying to get them to do the chores was worse than the stress I undergo by just doing them myself. Look, I will get into the challenges of raising self reliant children in a future blog but, for right now I'm just wanting a little satisfaction and gratitude. Is that too much to ask??? I lost count of how many times I just wanted to leave, even for just a week or a few days but, I just worry about how they will make it if I were to leave. Then, I think, "what difference would that make?" I would just get stuck fixing everything when I return. It's a lose, lose situation for me. Once again, my expectations are too high. I expect my family to be appreciative and thankful. I would give anything for them to just say, "can I help?" even if it only happened once a week. It would also be nice to hear....I love you and thank you for being you. Anyway, enough of the "bitchfest" just needed to put that out there. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I feel better already.